Shifting Gears

The past year has been one that stretched me and challenged me. It’s been difficult and rewarding and scary and amazing, and that’s just scratching the surface. And a lot of this is due to change. Changing what I expected to happen or assumed would stay the same, changing what makes me happy and how I view the world, changing everyday routines and lifelong goals. Changing me.

Much of this change has been so abrupt, so unexpected that it required me to change gears or suffer whiplash.

Sometimes, I got whiplash.

But other times, I gathered my courage and suppressed my uptight personality, and I actually rolled with the changes. I adjusted. I shifted gears. It’s been tough, but it’s been good. I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s been fun, but it’s been real. It’s been surprising.

• Surprise! You’re pregnant! (Never mind that it should not have been physically possible.)
• Surprise! Your baby is healthy! (Despite my irrational fears otherwise.)
• Surprise! You lost your job! (A job I thought I did well and that paid exactly half our bills.)
• Surprise! You’re real sick and having a baby seven weeks early! (Even though the first two trimesters had been mercifully easy without even a bout of morning sickness.)

Every time I thought I’d adjust to one thing (Okay, I’m going to have a baby in a few months.), I was hit with another change (Ummm, really? You want me to have a baby now?). Even though we’d picked out a name, I found myself calling my daughter “baby” for the first several weeks of her life because I wasn’t quite accustomed to having her there. There in my life. There in our house. There in our lives.

Of course, now, I can’t imagine it any other way. And it doesn’t really matter that I wasn’t ready to be pregnant when it happened, wasn’t ready to deliver when it happened, wasn’t ready to change jobs, wasn’t ready for any of it. Because it happened. And God wasn't surprised. Because it happened exactly when and exactly how God planned it.

And an interesting thing happened. These changes brought about even more change, some amazing changes.

• My husband stepped up and took care of me and our baby during my hospital stay. And he’s continued to amaze me with his love and maturity and confidence – as a dad, and as a new-and-improved husband.
• Thanks to yet another job change and the infamous mother’s conflict about working outside the home, I’ve been forced to evaluate my desires and dreams for a career, as well as God’s call on my life.
• After having my parents’ first grandchild, my relationship with them has warmed and improved to a state better than it’s been for 20 years.
• And most mind-blowing, at least to me, is the subtle change (some would say, “improvement”) in my personality, allowing me to calm down, loosen up and shift gears a little more easily.

Turns out, all change isn’t bad. And a year of shifting gears can be a good thing.

Your turn: How has change affected your life for the better lately?