Too Many Choices, Not Enough Life?

In 2004, I read an article in Newsweek that rang so true and moved me so much that I tore it out and kept that piece of slick paper in a file folder for five years. Written by a young woman my age, I Can Do Anything, So How Do I Choose? hit home. When the author said, "[W]e are now discovering the difficulty of deciding just what makes us happy in a world of innumerable options," I knew exactly what she meant.

After all, I'm the girl who changed her major four times in four years. And in the less than 10 years since I graduated, I haven't just had several different jobs, I've had several different this-is-it-I've-found-my-true-calling-and-I-will-do-this-forever career paths.

So when Thomas Nelson Publishing offered the chance to read Marcus Buckingham's latest book, called Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently, I jumped on it.

Especially when I found out the book - and Buckingham's philosophy - involved a personality test. I do love answering multiple choice quizzes to find out how weird awesome I am.

Before I tell you what I learned in this book, go take the quiz. Go on. I'll wait. Take the Strong Life Test.

So, what are your roles? I'm an Influencer and a Motivator. I'm still waiting for the definitive answer of what exactly that means, what I should be when I grow up, what will finally make me feel strong, successful, fulfilled.

But even though it didn't give me the exact answer I'm looking for, reading Find Your Strongest Life has given me a few more tools for getting to that answer.

Buckingham worked for Gallup Organization and has years of experience figuring out what makes people tick. And one trend he noticed in that time is that women, as a whole, are not happy and successful. He says that we're paralyzed by too many choices.

Not that he's implying women should have fewer options. Instead, he believes women need to learn how to better go about making our choices, how to deal with all the options we have. He suggests thinking back - over the last week, into your childhood, whatever it takes - to find the moments when you feel your strongest. And those are the moments we should, he says, catch and cradle. And then use in our primary and secondary roles (from the Strong Life Test) to create a full an fulfilling life.

No juggling. No talk of balance. Can you believe that?

It sounds a little crazy, not what we're used to hearing. But you know what? I think he might be on to something. (And, for the record, dozens of women who participated in an Oprah workshop with Buckingham seem to agree.)

I haven't quite sorted through all the things that I read in this book. But it's making me think. A lot.

As for the book itself, I loved that Buckingham used lots of real-life examples of women who have made choices and found their strong lives. I could have done without all the background and build-up in the first half of the book, but I've written enough research papers to understand why he structured it that way.

If you want to live a strong life and aren't quite there yet, check out Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently.

Are you living a strong life? Yes or no, I'd love to hear about it!

Going bananas for cupcakes

For Annalyn's monkey-themed birthday party on Saturday, I decided that ordering a cake would be just too easy. I mean, why have someone else bake a cake when you can bake 48 individual cakes yourself?

Isn't that my motto?

Seriously, after looking at our grocery store's idea of a monkey cake, I decided that making one myself might be better. I know what you're thinking: that must have been one ugly monkey cake!

And you're right.

After consulting Mr. Google, I found - among many complicated looking monkey face cakes - a Betty Crocker recipe for banana chocolate chip cupcakes. Get it? Bananas? Monkeys?

Right.

The only question that remained was how to make them party-cute. You know what I mean . . . plain cupcakes won't cut it for my baby girl's second birthday party!

With that thought in mind, I made the mistake of searching Etsy for ideas. Why do I do that to myself? Why?

Dear People of Etsy,

Please stop making so many cute things that I cannot afford to buy. Thank you.

Love,
Mary

After deciding that I just could not justify spending the money being - rightfully, I am sure - charged for the cutest little cupcake toppers I've ever seen, I looked again at my cupcake recipe. That's when I noticed it: their cupcakes had miniature bananas on top! Sooo cute! And so easy, right?

According to Betty Crocker, it sure is. The recipe says, and I quote, "Special Touch: Garnish cupcakes with banana-shaped candies. Look for them in the candy aisle of the supermarket."

Oh, I did, Betty. And I found nada. Zilch. Nuttin'. Apparently banana-shaped candies are a mythical thing like the unicorn and self-tanner that doesn't streak.

Don't tell me about Runts. I know about Runts. I like Runts - especially the strawberry pieces. But it seems ol' Willy Wonka and the Runts have fallen on hard times, because they aren't selling in these parts. I looked at our grocery store, two Walmarts and a Target for these stupid candies. I even - at the very last minute - called the local candy store in the nearby, almost completely dead mall.

It had closed.

So, it was back to the cupcake toppers. Which I made myself. And turned out pretty cute - without even taking a million hours to make.

But the real masterpiece was the cupcakes themselves. Mark wasn't a fan, but I thought they were delicious! And after frosting four dozen of them, I got pretty good at making the top look all swirly and pretty.

Four dozen is a LOT of cupcakes. Not to bake. Although I did have to actually break out my mixer and measuring cups and everything. But to frost? It's kind of a lot.

I think it was worth it, though. Things didn't exactly go according to plan with Annalyn's party. The weather didn't cooperate, so the park shelter we reserved (and, ahem, paid for) didn't really work out for our get-together. An hour before the party was scheduled to start, we decided it was just too darned cold and moved it to the house.

We moved it to the house, where I decided I did not need the green streamers to look like vines (Get it? Vines? Jungle? Monkey?). And I told myself that by cramming 30 people into our tiny house, the unswept floors would not be visible, much less noticeable.

So the party plans didn't all work out quite right. But we did have a great time. And people seemed to like my cupcakes . . . especially the birthday girl!

Here’s the recipe. Check out Mouthwatering Monday and Tasty Tuesday (tomorrow, obviously) for more recipes. And visit Blissfully Domestic for some domestic bliss (go figure).

Banana Chocolate Chip Cupcakes

1 box yellow cake mix
2 very ripe medium bananas, mashed (about 1 cup)
½ cup water
¼ cup butter or margarine, softened
3 eggs
¾ cup miniature semisweet chocolate chips
1 container (1 lb) chocolate frosting

Prep Time: 25 min
Total Time: 1 hour 20 min
Makes: 24 cupcakes

1. Heat oven to 375 degrees. Place paper baking cup in each of 24 regular-size muffins cups.
2. In large bowl, beat cake mix, bananas, water, butter and eggs with electric mixer on low speed 30 seconds. Beat on medium speed two minutes, scraping bowl occasionally. Using spoon, stir in chocolate chips. Spoon batter evenly into muffin cups.
3. Bake 18 to 22 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Remove from pan to cooling racks. Cool completely, about 30 minutes. Frost cupcakes with frosting.

Enjoy!

Random Readings, 10.3.09

Looks like lots of folks are starting fun things in October. You’d think it was the beginning of a new season or something!

• Simple Mom is so smart. I may not be as green or organized or simple (in a good way) as her, but I am definitely going to try to take advantage of her latest plan for simple living. 12 Weeks to a Peaceful Christmas starts with a budget and takes us through the cleaning (ugh.), and overall, looks like something I need in my life.
• Do you know The Nester? She is amazing. And sweet. Her creations and ideas blow me away, even when she says things like, “Tuck red and orange berry picks into your current arrangements and wreaths .” My current arrangements? Seriously. But this month, the Nester is hosting 31 Days to a Better Dressed Nest, and I think even decorating dummies like me can handle it.
• I listen to K-LOVE most mornings on the way to work. And yesterday, I heard the morning team say that they’re doing the same thing I am this month: reading the 31 chapters of Proverbs during the 31 days of October. It’s not too late to join us! (I say, as if they really know me and we're in it together...)
• Have you read any good blog posts or articles lately? My favorite post of this last week was Becca’s post about measuring up.
• By the way, you can see other posts I recommend through Google Shared Items. (They're also featured in a widget in my right sidebar.)
• And don’t forget: get your favorite Halloween stories, ideas, recipes and memories ready for my carnival on October 30: Giving Up on a Perfect Halloween.

Have a great weekend! I suspect we’ll be up to our ears in banana-flavored treats, monkey-themed decorations, pink tissue paper and little girl giggles!

“I learned more from the stains than I did the paper.”

Yesterday I planned to run a few errands over my lunch break. Annalyn’s birthday party is on Saturday, and this was really my last opportunity to pick up a few things without having her along for the ride.

(You might find this surprising, but most errands and chores are easier on the rare occasion I find myself alone.)

I told Mark that I wouldn’t be coming home for lunch, and that was that.

Until lunchtime. When Mark and Annalyn showed up at my office. Reportedly, that little girl had spent the last hour saying, “Mommy? See her? Mommy? See her?”

So being the good dad that he is, Mark brought her to see her mommy.

Okayyyyyy. Off to Target we went. We swept through the baby section, searching for a birthday party outfit and hurried over to the candy section to look for candy bananas to put on the cupcakes. Then as I paid for a shirt, a pair of pants, some small black shoes and a stuffed Elmo that I’d hid behind my back for 10 minutes, Mark got Annalyn buckled into the car. I ran out of the store (okay, I walked briskly, let’s be real here), and we sped off to McDonald’s, where we snarfed value meals and begged Annalyn to eat something other than our fries.

And where I found myself saying, “Stop! Don’t touch me with those hands! Here, use this napkin. Yuck! Baby girl! Those are my work pants!”

I know, I know. Somehow, I let my errands and my work pants become more important than spending time with my daughter. I focused on not getting to the other store and the thought of stinky ketchup on my sleeve. And I almost missed that sweet girl just wanting to be with her mommy.

“Mommy? See her?” How could I think anything else was more important than that?

Reba McEntire sings a song called “Is There Life Out There?” and the video makes me cry every darned time I see it. It’s more of a mini-movie, really, about a mother who goes back to school and earns her college degree.

At the end of the video, her teacher returns a paper with an A but suggests she not submit stained work in the future. Those pages were stained because her daughter accidentally spilled coffee on her typewriter-typed report, an incident that reminded Reba’s character what was really important.

Reba tells her teacher, “I learned more from the stains than I did the paper.”

As I fussed at Annalyn about the ketchup on my sleeve and my pants, I thought about that scene.

I don’t want to be too busy to love on Annalyn. Time goes too fast and she’s already growing too much. I know this stage of Mommy-love and more hugs and one more kiss won’t last.

When we got back to my office – with a few minutes to spare, even – Mark told Annalyn to say goodbye.

“Buh-bye!” she said with a smile.
“How about a hug?” I asked.
“Okay!”
"I love you!" I said as she and Mark walked away.
"Wuv. Ooo."

Turns out I had plenty of time to do my other errand after work. And I’m pretty sure nobody noticed the ketchup stains on my clothes. Although it wouldn’t have mattered if they did. One day not far enough from now, I’ll be the one saying, “Annalyn? See her?”

So I’m taking all the hugs and kisses and unexpected lunch visits I can get.

Giving up on a perfect Halloween

Last year was the first year I had to got to dress up my daughter for Halloween. And in my typical fashion, I spent hours researching and brainstorming and planning and budgeting and dreaming.

And in the end, she went as a cat. With no tail. And crooked eyeliner-drawn whiskers.

What happened? I don't know for sure. I think I used up all my energy on the planning part and came up empty for the actual execution.

I'd like to say this has never happened before, but that's another post for another day.

Today I want to encourage you as we head into the holiday season. Don't overdo it. Don't fill your legal pads and planners and - seriously - prayer journals with to-do lists and seating charts. Don't wear yourself out planning parties and making centerpieces and baking cookies.

Well, if you must do something, I'm sure a couple dozen cookies would be fine. Chocolate chip, please.

Anyway, how about we pace ourselves this year? Take it one day at a time, enjoy the moment, be present with our friends and family - the whole deal.

Will you join me in giving up on a perfect Halloween? (And Thanksgiving and Christmas and you get the picture.)

On Friday, October 30, I'm going to host my very first carnival. I'll show you my most pitiful Halloween costumes and tell you my most embarrassing Halloween story, and you can link up your stories and photos and recipes and whatever else you'd like to share.

And oh yeah - did I mention this? - I'll also be giving away a few prizes that day. Believe me, you don't want to miss it.

Here's a button, if you want to spread the word. Or decorate your blog. Or print it on stickers and decorate the ladies' stall. Whatev.

What's your most stressful part of the holiday season?

State of the Blog Address

Well, less an address than . . . a post. Or a disclaimer. Or announcements. Whatever you want to call it, I thought it was about time we talked about some bloggy issues.

If you visit my blog at all (rather than just catching up in a Feed Reader), you've probably noticed a few changes over the past couple of months.

I've placed ads in my left-hand column and spruced up my header and navigation bar. Nothing too fancy, but I like the look. Of the header and nav bar, that is. I'm hoping you like it better than my short-lived experiment with a gingham background.

The ads are through the BlogHer network. After learning about it at the Blissdom Conference, I applied back in March and just got approved over the summer. Believe me when I tell you that I'm not rolling in the dough. My small earnings do, however, cover some of the cost of shipping for giveaways, purchased graphics and other blog-related expenses.

Speaking of money, though - because speaking of money is oh-so-fun, right? - let's talk about affiliate links and product reviews.

First, the links. As an Amazon Associate, I can earn a small percentage - pennies - if you purchase items through the links I use to Amazon products. Based on the report I just got, my year's worth of Amazon links might buy me lunch at Panera.

Second, product reviews. Specifically, I should say book reviews, since that's all I've done. I participate in the Thomas Nelson Book Review Bloggers program and The Blog Tour Spot. That means I receive free books to review. Both programs want good reviews but do not in any way require it.

Maybe it goes without saying, but just in case it does not, I give you my word that I'll never be dishonest with you. If something stinks, more than likely I just won't talk about it. But if I say I liked something - or, even better, loved it - then you can rest assured that I truly do like it.

And now, on another, more comfortable bloggy topic: I would love to talk to you. And the best way to make that happen? Leave your e-mail address with your comment. That way I can e-mail you back! Hillary and Colleen have great posts on exactly how to do this. Check it out.

Okay, I think that's all, folks. Other than - oh yeah - make sure you come back tomorrow for some news about a special Halloween feature coming up.

Now - it's your turn. Do you have any bloggy questions for me? How do you feel about product reviews, affiliate links, blog ads and all that? Hit me with it.

Muffins and britches and tantrums. Oh my!

Every Thursday night, my parents come over for dinner and to watch Annalyn while I go to choir practice. For the first few months year and a half, they brought dinner with them.

But this fall, I decided that I can probably manage to make dinner one night a week, rather than my parents planning and cooking ahead, packing the meal and bringing it from their house 30 minutes away. Seriously.

So last week, I decided to make meatloaf, cheesy potatoes and green beans. I’d made the potatoes over the weekend, so all I had to do was defrost them during the day and pop them in the oven as soon as I got home. And how hard is it to dump a can of green beans on the stove and put a meatloaf together?

Harder than you’d think.

As we pulled into the driveway that evening, I told Annalyn that when we got inside, I’d have to work in the kitchen. (Normally, I spend my precious two hours with her just playing, leaving the chores for later . . . whenever that may be.)

She was fine for a little while, but when I was standing at the counter dumping breadcrumbs and ketchup into the bowl for the meatloaf, Annalyn decided she’d had enough of being neglected.

My smarty pants little girl got into the pantry and pulled out a packet of muffin mix, brought it over to me and said, “Muffins!”

I said, “Sure, baby, we can make muffins. After I finish the meatloaf.”

Well, my goodness. You would have thought I said, “No, sweetheart, you cannot have muffins. As a matter of fact, you can never eat bread again. And actually, I don’t think you can have dinner, either.”

Because her reaction? Pure meltdown. “Noooo! Muffin! Muffin! No wait! Muffin!!!”

This went on for a good 10-15 minutes. I kept telling her, calmly, that we could make the muffins, but she needed to be patient. I let her keep howling, because a) I needed to get the meatloaf cooking and b) I was kind of hoping my parents would arrive and catch her mid-fit.

And, oh, they did. After informing us (because I’m quite sure Annalyn cared as much as I did) that they could hear her racket in their car on the street, they distracted her and cheered her up. And gave her a bath.

So all was well then. But the good part of an hour leading up to their arrival? Not. Fun. And all over a little less attention than normal and MUFFINS.

Really?

I mean, I like my carbs, but that’s a little crazy!

It should not have surprised me when she had a meltdown the following night over wanting to push her stroller in the crowd, rather than ride in it. Clearly, logic is not at work here.

Even more bizarre than the Muffin Meltdown is the Britches Blow-up.

We cannot figure out where Annalyn has learned to call her pants “britches,” but she is a little sponge these days. So “britches” it is.

Of course, she’s not yet two years old, so her pronunciation of the letter “r” leaves something to be desired.

Especially when she’s insisting on wearing a different pair of pants by screaming, “Britches! Britches! Britches me! Britches!!!!”

Yep. That’s right. Just read that sentence without the “r” in “britches.”

This all reminds me of the time Mark and I went to marriage counseling. Though the counselor wisely kindly noted that Mark’s actions were causing many of our problems, he also told me that my reactions were part of the issue, too. I’ll never forget the valuable advice he gave me:

Keep your reaction in check with the level of the offense.

I wonder if that therapist sees toddlers?

Fall Reading List

Last week, I was inspired by Andrea’s fall reading list. Although, to be honest, I still can’t get over the fact that she organizes her reading lists.

Why don’t I do this??

Anyway, it seems that Katrina has a carnival for this sort of thing. I think it’s also supposed to keep us accountable for our reading goals. Does that make it an accountability carnival? Like there are clowns and ferris wheels along with the hard-hitting questions?

I don’t know what I’m saying. I really shouldn’t write my Monday posts on Sunday nights.

Anyway (again.), I’m going to share my fall reading list with you. But don’t judge me. It is quite possible – and probable, as you’ll see – that I read fluff, romance and keep-me-up-late mysteries. But hey, I’ve also got some uplifting fiction and potentially life-changing non-fiction. (A house that cleans itself? That would definitely be life-changing!)

I’m going to divide my list into categories. And I’m going to tell myself that it’s to share more information with you. But I know the truth. You may not be quite as intrigued by my reading choices as I am. It’s really just because I like complicated lists.

Books I’m reviewing (Yes, that means I got them for free.)

• The Hole in Our Gospel – Richard Stearns
• Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently – Marcus Buckingham

Books I've already read (but it was in September, so it counts)

• Deadlock – Iris Johansen

Books I'm hoping will change my life

• Have a New Kid by Friday – Kevin Leman
• The House That Cleans Itself – Mindy Starns Clark
• Becoming a Couple of Promise – Kevin Leman (This is what our small group is studying.)

Books I have on reserve at the library

• True Detectives – Jonathan Kellerman (Actually, it's already on my nightstand!)
  
• Leaving Carolina – Tamara Leigh
• Mischief Becomes Her – Kasey Michaels
• Mischief 24/7 – Kasey Michaels
• Blood Game – Iris Johansen
• Bitter is the New Black – Jen Lancaster
• True Blue – David Baldacci
• Under the Cajun Moon – Mindy Starns Clark
• Lonestar Secrets – Colleen Coble
  

Books on reserve that I've already checked out once and didn't read in time

• The Help – Kathryn Stockett
• Take One – Karen Kingsbury
• Take Two – Karen Kingsbury
• Crazy Love – Francis Chan
  

Is it weird, wrong, bad that I have books called "Blood Game" or books with long legs on the cover on my list? And I can't wait to read them?

Maybe. But I have diverse tastes. Do you? What are you reading this fall?

Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

4:30 Get off work.
5:00 Pick up Annalyn.
5:45 Meet parents for dinner.
6:45 Join family for Light the Night
7:45 Leave before Walk starts as Annalyn completely melts down.
8:45 Arrive home. Put Annalyn to bed.
9:00 Turn on computer. Start watching Grey's Anatomy season premiere.
9:20 Hear shouting and gunshots. Look out front window.
9:21 Watch SWAT team storm into the house across the street.
9:22 Frantically call Mark until he answers. Try to breathe normally.
9:30 Calm down when realize the two dozen law enforcement officials on street are not rushing.
9:35 Wonder if allowed to take pictures from my own front yard.
9:40 Call neighbor friends who are inconveniently not home.
9:45 Give play-by-play description of activities.
9:50 Close curtains. Resume watching Grey's Anatomy.

Just another Friday night in the suburbs, right?

Unreal. Just . . . I don't know. It's not that I'm surprised to learn that this particular neighbor is in trouble.

But to look out my front window and see men in vests and helmets storming into my neighbor's house? To hear shots fired and to see lights flashing and to lose count of all the official vehicles parking in front of my house? To watch two people be pulled from the house across the street and be pushed onto their knees in the grass?

Well, it's a little crazy.

How was your Friday night?

I do not heart HTML.

I have just spent the last 47 hours fixing the text on this blog. It involved spacing and fonts and HTML and I don’t even know what has happened.

Or, as Annalyn likes to say, “Hap. In?”

I had my first Weight Watchers weigh-in last Friday, and I was down 1.6 lbs. That’s not much, but it’s definitely a start.

And, umm, probably more than I’ve lost this last week. This week has not gone so well. I didn’t eat brownies at the family barbecue. And I had every intention of walking. And I used low-fat sour cream and mayo when I made up six dips for my party on Tuesday.

But this week may also have included pizza. And chips with that dip. And beer bread (oh, my goodness, the beer bread was sooo good!). And no walking, due to rain and crazy schedules. And did I mention the chips?

So. My second weigh-in may not be so hot. I know that. But I’m still looking forward and making goals and not quitting. My goal for next week is to write down everything I eat.

All of it.

Do you have a goal for next week?

I have a big weekend coming up. Tonight is Light the Night (and there’s still time to donate if you’d like to join my team in fighting cancer!). On Saturday, Chelleybutton is coming down for a visit. And on Sunday, we have nursery duty (yay.) and small group (yay!).

What are your weekend plans?