I do not heart HTML.

I have just spent the last 47 hours fixing the text on this blog. It involved spacing and fonts and HTML and I don’t even know what has happened.

Or, as Annalyn likes to say, “Hap. In?”

I had my first Weight Watchers weigh-in last Friday, and I was down 1.6 lbs. That’s not much, but it’s definitely a start.

And, umm, probably more than I’ve lost this last week. This week has not gone so well. I didn’t eat brownies at the family barbecue. And I had every intention of walking. And I used low-fat sour cream and mayo when I made up six dips for my party on Tuesday.

But this week may also have included pizza. And chips with that dip. And beer bread (oh, my goodness, the beer bread was sooo good!). And no walking, due to rain and crazy schedules. And did I mention the chips?

So. My second weigh-in may not be so hot. I know that. But I’m still looking forward and making goals and not quitting. My goal for next week is to write down everything I eat.

All of it.

Do you have a goal for next week?

I have a big weekend coming up. Tonight is Light the Night (and there’s still time to donate if you’d like to join my team in fighting cancer!). On Saturday, Chelleybutton is coming down for a visit. And on Sunday, we have nursery duty (yay.) and small group (yay!).

What are your weekend plans?

I’m having a hard time being “faithful with a few things.”

When I was in college, I felt that God called me to ministry. In the years since, I’ve struggled to figure out exactly what that means, what God has planned for me, where I belong, how I can serve.

Recently, my struggle has been more about learning to be content with where I am right now, figuring out how I can serve where I am.

As part of my endeavor to get more involved in ministry in my current life instead of waiting for someday to get here, I’ve started writing to a missionary wife that our church supports. I’ve mentioned before that I sing in the choir. Also, Mark and I have started a small group with four other couples.

These ministries are all things I signed up for, things that I have some interest in, some skill or spiritual gift for doing.

The other ministry Mark and I participate in is not so voluntary and not so suited to our strengths. We serve in the toddler nursery.

Every Sunday morning that we go to church, our daughter is taken care of by several fantastic nursery workers. So it’s only fair that we take our turn caring for other families’ children. And while Mark does not enjoy it at all (although he’s great at vacuuming up the hundreds of Cheerios left on the floor after snacktime and following me around with a box of tissues during cold season), I do. I like holding the kids who cry when their parents leave and showing the new kids all the toys we have to play with. I don’t love changing their diapers, but I like hanging out with other people's kiddos for a couple hours once a month.

But you sure wouldn’t know this based on last Sunday. Or based on the fourth Sunday of February.

Because we forgot to work in the nursery.

Just plain forgot! After I realized what we’d done last month – or not done, as the case might be – I was mortified. I e-mailed our nursery director and apologized all over myself. I expressed my extreme regret and promised not to let it happen ever again. She was gracious and forgiving, and all was forgotten.

So forgotten, in fact, that last weekend, the fourth Sunday in March, I forgot to work in the nursery again.

In my defense, I had out-of-town friends visiting, went to a murder mystery party that went way past my bedtime and sang with choir both services on Sunday. But I knew that. I knew how crazy the weekend would be, and I knew it included nursery. I even told Chelley that when we were making plans for the weekend.

But when it came down to it, I was exhausted. Teresa’s birthday party went late, and when I dragged myself out of bed Sunday morning to get to choir practice, nursery didn’t even cross my mind.

It didn’t cross my mind until much later that night, after choir, after lunch with my friends, after a nap and after Bible study.

But now I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop thinking about how there’s just no way to fix this. No apology will take back the stress that our nursery director felt as she covered for us at the last minute, and no sincere words of regret will change the view she now has of us. And I can’t stop thinking that I should get it together! I should be more organized! I should, I should, I should!

And I can’t help but wonder if maybe I’ll never find myself in a full-time ministry role, because I can’t even be faithful with the small things.

I’m not saying that to get reassurances that everyone makes mistakes. And I realize that the title of my blog implies that I am no longer a perfectionist with sky-high standards for herself. But at least in this instance, I can’t let myself off the hook. I don’t know how. And I don’t know how anyone – or Anyone – else could, either.