Ode to a Beverage

I didn’t know it at the time, but October 10 was a sad day. Apparently, though I’m just learning of it today, Coors stopped producing Zima two months ago.

Some of you may be alarmed or disappointed to realize that even though Jesus turned water into wine, I prefer an occasional malt beverage over the grape drink. Well, actually, a grape-flavored malt beverage would be okay.

Regardless of the fruity flavor of the drink, I do appreciate Zima and its kind for two reasons. First, it doesn’t taste a bit like alcohol. Second, it comes in a bottle that looks a little bit like it might contain beer.

It’s not beer, though, and that was likely part of its problem. Though the drink was reformulated in 2004 to contain even more alcohol content than most beers, it has been seen since its birth in 1994 as a “girl drink.” As a girl myself, I don’t mind that. But as a company whose customers are largely male, well, that’s a problem. As Slate put it, “To Coors' horror, Zima proved most popular among young women—a demographic that, while generally fond of getting tanked, just doesn't have the same thirst for hooch as its male counterpart.”

It’s true. A couple of those babies, and I’m done. Not “tanked” done, but finished with the fruity drinks. I like my sweet, but even I can’t handle more than that. Kind of makes my stomach hurt.

Now, I’ve never been picky. I have drunk more Smirnoff than Zima, but mainly because it’s more readily available. And probably cheaper. I really don’t like paying for drinks. But when Mark, Smitty and I visited the Coors brewery a few years ago, I highly enjoyed my sample that tasted strangely of orange soda. And a couple summers ago, when the three of us went to a concert with my brother and his now-wife, Zima was also my drink of choice.

So, in honor of the drink that was mentioned on shows ranging from Buffy to Friends to Gilmore Girls to The Simpsons, but has only managed to get 406 names on its petition, here is an ode.

Oh, Zima, the world’s first malternative
You were fruity and sweet and divine
Tasting of orange pop or Kool-Aid with fizz
With more alcohol content than Bud Light
You got a bad rap as girls’ drink, so light
Not beer, not a wine cooler, what are you
Smirnoff Ice is just an imitation
Bottling alcopop tasting of Sprite
It’s too bad they sold more bottles than you
Your absence will be felt ‘cross the nation.

[Disclaimer: I am not a poet. And I know it. However, you should know that just for you, my faithful readers and friends, I researched the ode. Turns out, most odes are quite long. Mine’s not. But it does attempt iambic pentameter and follows the ababcdecde pattern as suggested. So, there's that.]

Here We Come A-Waffling

Some people wait all year to watch Frosty or Rudolph. Others look forward to the Grinch. (Okay, I like that one, too.) But my favorite Christmas special is A Claymation Christmas Celebration starring the California Raisins.

I've found that when I talk about this holiday musical delight, most people haven't seen or even heard of it. For those unfortunate folks, you're in luck today. You can buy the video on Amazon here, or you can check out my favorite songs below:

We Three Kings
Carol of the Bells
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (by the Raisins themselves)

What's your favorite Christmas special?

Previews. Movie Previews.

On Saturday night, Mark, Smitty and I went to see the latest James Bond movie. It was only right that we see it together, since long, long ago we began the tradition of watching Bond movies together.

Just kidding. That’s not actually true at all.

However, one brisk night two years ago, as we sat in a booth at Perkin’s eating some delightfully fried food and discussing the recently released Casino Royale, we decided to go see how Daniel Craig pulled off Bond. That night. Right then. At 10:00.

What can I say? We were younger then.

This time, we’ve been planning for months. Planning around Smitty’s school schedule, Mark’s football schedule (no, not for a team he plays on, for the team he roots for), and finding a babysitter for Photobaby. At one point we were even going to see an afternoon movie. While it was still light out (and tickets cost just $5)! But finally, we decided on Saturday night after Thanksgiving.

So, Mark took Photobaby to his brother’s house, and I dragged my flu-y self into the shower. Smitty arrived on time, bless her optimistic heart, and watched a little VH1 while I finished getting ready. Then I wrote down several movie time options on a Post-it, and we were off to the movies. Well, really, we were off to eat dinner, a process that involved a lot of this. Finally, we picked a place and made our way to the theater.

[Side note: As evidence that Mark and I were, indeed, sick, you should know that we split a hamburger and waffle fries between the two of us. And neither one of us could even finish our half. And we turned down spinach-artichoke dip. Yep, we were sick. But after all that planning, nothing was getting in the way of our movie date!]

The movie was pretty good. Not as dark (or violent) as I’d feared after reading reviews. But also not as good as the Bourne series, in my mind. An interesting point, actually, that I would compare it to the Bourne Identity movies. Because one of the reviews I read noted that while Bond movies have traditionally been light, quippy films full of pretty girls, fancy cars and innuendo, the Daniel Craig Bond is dark, dangerous and quite similar to Jason Bourne. But that’s okay – I didn’t expect greatness, just a good time. And enjoy the movie we did.

But what I really want to tell you about are the previews. Oh, the previews! I have never gone to a movie that showed so MANY! Don’t get me wrong – I love previews. I was just shocked that they took up 20 minutes of my movie time! Here are the ones I can remember and my impressions:

• 2012 – Visit our gimmicky website, and oh yeah, the world is ending. (IMDB shows a lot of famous faces in this movie, but the preview didn’t show a single one. Who knows…?)
• The Day the Earth Stood Still – Keanu Reeves is [SHOCKER] an alien, and oh yeah, the world is ending.
• The Spirit – Black and white comic book looking movies are fancy. Made in the same fashion (and, I believe, by the same people) as the 2005 movie, Sin City.
• Angels & Demons – Sequel to The DaVinci Code. Wonder if my church will do a sermon on this one, too.
• Bedtime Stories – Adam Sandler, light. Fanciful movie for kids that involves gumballs falling from the sky. Actually looks cute.
• Fast & Furious 4 – Also known as Faster and Furiouser. At least by me. Vin Diesel and Paul Walker star in this movie that, I admit, I will probably watch more than once on cable.
• Valkyrie – World War II movie starring Tom Cruise the Crazy. I was actually glad to see this one. It looks good, even though I think Tom is insane in the membrane. Like Mark said, it’s like Mission Impossible, the Hitler version.
• Paul Blart: Mall Cop – Chubby guy beats the bad guys. Well, I can’t say for sure, but I can kind of see this ending coming. Stars Kevin James, who is usually funny, that Chuck & Larry bit aside.

See what I mean? That’s a lot! We might have seen one for Benjamin Button, but I’m not sure. That movie creeps me out, so I may have blocked it from my memory.

Seen any good previews lately? What upcoming movies are you looking forward to?

Post-Thanksgiving Diet

Call it food poisoning. Call it the stomach flu. Call it an ingenious post-Thanksgiving diet. But please, just don't call it for dinner.

ha. haha.

That weak laughter? It's about all I can manage on Day Three of the stomach yuck.

Looking on the bright side, though...I'm pretty sure I've lost the 10 pounds I surely gained between last Monday and Friday!

Tell me more, tell me more.

Whew! Was November the longest month ever or what? No? It was just me? Well, I’m glad I shared many of the things I’m thankful for with you. It was a good exercise in gratitude, plus it gave me an excuse to tell some of my stories and show you some of my pictures. But if I ever needed more evidence that despite my penchant for brilliant ideas, I’ll never make millions because I lack follow-through, well, this was it. But I followed through. I persevered. And now I’m finished.

(Not done. My mom always told me, “Dogs are done; people are finished.” Is that true? Anyone else heard that one?)

Now, I can write about anything I want! I can go days without posting! I can learn more about you all instead of boring you with my stories!

So, on that note, I’d like to know TEN new things about each of you. Post it in the comments or on your own blog or both – I can’t wait to learn about you guys! And to make it fair (and because I love me a good list), here are ten things about me:

1. I sort my M&Ms by color.
2. I have a blonde streak in my brown hair – a birthmark, not a salon accident.
3. I sang at a country opry once in high school. I did not wear sequins or boots.
4. I hate whistling. And the flute. And really, I’m not too fond of sopranos. (Sorry, sopranos.)
5. The first TV show I was addicted to was, “Life Goes On.”
6. I don't like the taste of coffee or alcohol. I can't even stand coffee-flavored ice cream. (However, a good malt beverage or fruity "girl drink" can be tolerated.)
7. I am terrified of trains. The phobia began when the terrible machines played a starring role in my childhood recurring nightmare. The graphic train safety video and presentation in 4th grade didn't help either.
8. I am constantly applying chapstick and/or chewing gum. It's because I'm (sadly) a mouth breather, thanks to year-round allergies.
9. I love magazines. And here's how I read them: first, I read the last page. Then I start on page one and devour it front to back. No skipping around. No aimlessly flipping through. Front. To. Back.
10. I hate cherry-flavored food (Starburst, Skittles, pie). But my favorite drink is Cherry Coke. I have no explanation.

Okay, now it’s your turn!

An apple a day...

My Granny was a hypochondriac. We used to joke that she’d had every affliction except prostate cancer, and for that, it was only a matter of time. Granny did have many genuine health problems, though, and she took so many pills she needed one of those pill boxes to separate them for each day.

I’ve worked for two health charities, hearing the stories of previously healthy people who suffered vicious attacks on their bodies by the diseases I worked to eradicate.

One of my closest friends from college was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis last year, a diagnosis made even scarier by the fact that she’s watched her dad and aunt struggle with the same disease for years.

A dear friend from high school died of colon cancer a few years ago. I had lost touch with him, but reportedly, he was diagnosed in the late spring and was gone before fall. Just that quickly.

And of course, last year, I became seriously ill as I entered my third trimester of pregnancy, spending eight days in the hospital and delivering my daughter seven weeks early.

For all these reasons and the dozens of stories I won’t tell here, I’m truly thankful for my health. I may be overweight, asthmatic and allergic to everything that grows. I may have a shoulder that throbs when under any stress and a leg that aches when the weather changes. But really, compared to the struggles that so many people face each day, these things are like a paper cut. Irritating and slightly painful, but nothing to lose sleep over.

I’m amazed at the strength and courage I’ve seen in people who face chronic or deadly illness. The most striking thing from my time with ALS patients was the unstoppable joy so many of them had. But I’ve also been reminded – each time I see someone facing pain or illness, each time I hear another story of cancer or disease – that I’m so very blessed to be healthy. I’m thankful for my health.

Today wraps up my month of thanksgiving. I could name so many other things, people, places and experiences that I’ve been blessed with, that I’m thankful for. What about you? What are you thankful for?

The List.

I have a list. (Surprising, no?) A list of questions that I plan to ask God as soon as I get to heaven. It’s not a real long list, but it has some of the most important questions in my heart:

Why did my friend Carrie have to die in that car accident?
Why did Mark’s mom have to die before she was even 50?
Why did God send me to grad school? (Why didn’t I love grad school?)
Why didn’t the church plant work?
Why did I lose my job while I was pregnant?
Why are Photobaby and I okay and healthy?

These are the hard questions of life. Don’t ask me to ponder why the sky is blue or why birds sing or if zebras are white with black stripes or black with white stripes. We can figure out those things (some of us can recall our biology classes, the rest of us can look it up on Google), and they don’t impact my heart anyway. But these things that don’t make sense, that don’t fit into a box, that don’t stay resolved – these are the things I long to ask God.

Until then, though, I’m thankful that God has the answers. Even if I don’t. No, especially if I don’t. Because when it comes down to it, I don’t have to understand or even like the way things are. But I believe that God has a reason, an answer. And part of me is glad that my God is so big that no one can know His thoughts but Him.

I’m thankful to love and serve and know a God big enough for my questions…and His answers.

What are the questions in your heart?

You're my person.

When I was in seventh grade, Smitty and I did a report in science class about lightning. In eighth grade, we went on a school trip to Washington, D.C., and took our first hold-the-camera-ourselves photo. In ninth grade, I rode home with her after school and celebrated our grades and class ranks with her mom. In tenth grade, Smitty gave Mark her stamp of approval when he asked me to the Homecoming dance, reminding me that he used to live down the road from her house. In eleventh grade, we starred in our school’s production of “Arsenic and Old Lace.” (Well, Smitty starred. I was just in it.) During our senior year, we traveled to Kirksville with our parents for a campus tour, both of us leaving with revelations: her, that she did not want to go to Truman; me, that I did. We held a joint graduation party, then went our separate ways. So as freshmen, we figured out how to stay close while living three hours apart, sharing details about boyfriends and classes and piercings and changed majors over the phone and this new technology called e-mail.

I could go on, but I’m sure you get the point. Smitty and I have been friends for a long time. What’s funny (to us) is that I recently found a picture of my 6th birthday party, and she was there. We didn’t even remember it!

Smitty is absolutely my best friend, my person. And I’m so thankful for her! But she’s not my only true friend.

In college, I met T-Rex, Triple and Chelley (as well as my Family Group at the BSU and my dorm friends who became life friends), the Iowa-loving, truth-telling friends I will have for life. In grad school (short-lived though it was), I met Amber, the person I may have more in common with than any other. At my first job, I met Colleen, Heidi, Jenn and Jill, the girls who walked with me through rough times with my marriage, as well as amazing successes and devastating failures at work, all while laughing at my ability to become “drunk” over Diet Cherry Cokes. You know about Kevin from my first agency job, but it’s also there that I met Daphne, my copywriter friend who loves country music and small towns and animals and family more than anyone I know. And I can’t forget my church friends – Mandy, Amy, Katie, Jacqueline, Elizabeth – who became so much more than “church friends.” So much more.

These women – along with childhood friends and my new bloggy friends – have listened to me, prayed for me, encouraged me and loved me. And they have made me who I am today. I love my friends, and I am so thankful for them.

What friends are you thankful for today?

It's not a holiday until someone cries.

My family has issues. I mean, we are full of the crazy. But gosh darn it, I love these people. Even if it's true that in our family, it's not a holiday until someone cries.

We love board games, especially Yahtzee. We love stupid movies, especially ones starring Chevy Chase. We love the Lord, even if our journeys are unique and ever-changing. We love to eat, and feel the consequences as a result. We love Don Chilitos, a little hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant in Mission, Kansas. We try to make burritos like they do, but it's not quite the same. Just like the restaurant has never been the same since they took down the fish tank. We love to travel. We love home decorating shows and musicals and the History Channel. Well, Dad doesn't love musicals, and I don't love the History Channel. But we all endure these things for the others.

We are family. And I love them. And I'm so very thankful for them.

Happy Thanksgiving, from my family to yours!

Roll On, Eighteen Wheeler, Roll On!

As I may have mentioned a time or twelve, I have much angst about my career path. I’ve had several jobs since graduating from college, all of which started as my dream job and ended as…well, something else entirely. I’ve also talked about money and how we just never have enough of it.

But what I haven’t shared with you is how my husband is an incredibly hard worker, and how he’s been blessed with a great job.

The story is a long, winding one, but the short version is this: I pushed Mark about finishing college for several years, afraid that he would waste his potential and end up as a truck driver, like his dad. And then Mark realized that he enjoys driving and wanted to be a truck driver.

Of all things!

So, a few years ago, he embarked on a determined journey to become a truck driver. He worked long, hard hours at FedEx Ground, driving and delivering in snow, sleet and ice, working through injury and illness – all for not much pay. He then jumped through a lot of hoops to move from that job to a job at FedEx Freight (yes, it’s a separate company), spending time, money and hope on his belief that working there would be good for him and good for our family. Finally, three years after first applying to work there and just a few months before I got pregnant, he was hired part-time. The bad news was that he was working two jobs for most of my pregnancy. The good news is that he eventually moved to working full-time at Freight, earning shorter hours, a better salary and better benefits.

And even though he doesn’t get to drive as much as wants yet, and sometimes he gets an old forklift to use on the dock, and his hours keep him away from his loving wife – Mark loves his job. He’s doing what he wants to do and being rewarded for it.

I love – and am so thankful – that one of us has an angst-free career. And more importantly, I’m so very thankful that Mark is a hard worker who provides for his family.

This hasn’t changed how I feel about driving a truck and unused potential. I won’t be surprised at all if God has something else for Mark later down the road. (Ha! “Road” – no pun intended, but ha!) And I still cry buckets when I hear Alabama sing, “Roll On,” the song about a truck driver who gets stranded in a snow storm. But for now, I am thankful that God has provided this job for Mark. And I’m thankful that Mark does it.

If you weren’t doing the job you currently have, what kind of job would you like to have?