Lessons learned...or not?

I wanted so badly to be friends with the popular girls.

There were four of them. C had been my best friend in second grade, and we’d been close until fifth grade, when L moved to town. L was rumored to have been a child model, and despite her braces, she was beautiful and exotic. J moved next door to L the summer before sixth grade, and somehow her giant red-rimmed glasses made her cool. The fourth girl, A, was the first (though sadly, not the last) frenemy I had. She even created a We Hate Photo club in the third grade. Those four girls became a close-knit group – some would call it a clique – in sixth grade.

And I wanted to be a part of that group. I didn’t understand how it is. Not yet. So I tried hard to be their friend, to wedge myself into their circle, to reclaim the friendships I’d had before everything got so confusing, so middle school-ish.

At the same time, my friend Elizabeth was just about the most fun person I knew. She could rat her bangs up higher than anyone else in our whole school, and she was a brilliant dancer. (Okay, so I may not have known she was brilliant back then, but I’ve seen her perform since then, and believe me, she was gooood.) She had the tendency to be a bit hyper, and for some reason we called her Lizzie and sometimes even…Lizard Lips.

I don’t know, people. It was middle school.

Anyway, Elizabeth and I shared a lot of good times, whispering and giggling about boys, passing notes, having slumber parties. But when her parents divorced and I learned she was moving away with her mom, I experienced a moment of clarity. And regret.

I realized what I’d done, and it was ugly. I’d spent so much time and energy focused on those popular girls (Do they like me today? I can’t believe they all gave me “hate” letters on the same day! Are they going to the dance? Can I sit with them at lunch?) that I’d wasted the last precious days with my good, true friend, Elizabeth.

Now, we still had some good times. We had more slumber parties and letters and phone calls. But while I could have been cherishing my time with a dear friend, I threw my heart into friendships that were no more real than the romance novels I snuck out of the library.

Elizabeth never said a word about this to me. She never pointed out that it was pointless and even hurtful to worry so much about girls who treated me badly when she was right there all along. And even though we lost touch after high school (Elizabeth moved back to our town before we graduated), it was so fun to get an e-mail from her last year after our reunion. I could actually hear her voice in all the exclamation points and the way she signed off “Love, Liz.”

So today – on Lizzie’s birthday – I want to wish her a happy, happy day! I am thankful for the years we spent as BFFs and I still love her like a sister (LHLAS isn’t nearly as catchy as LYLAS).

Remembering those middle school days, I can’t help but think of how I do the same thing to God that I did to my friend. Even though I know He’s there and loves me for me, for real, I keep looking to others for approval. (Did my boss like that report? Does my husband think I’m pretty? Do my readers think I’m funny?) Interesting how I ignore the real things in pursuit of the artificial. I’d like to think I only had to learn that lesson once. But now that I think about it, maybe I’m still learning.

What about you? Do you find yourself looking for love in all the wrong places?

Our Family’s Falala Favorites

Mark and I have a tradition of buying one new Christmas CD every December. This is great in theory and certainly fun, but since we only listen to this music for about a month, we don’t necessarily need 15 new songs each year. So I decided to take the albums (Ha! I said “albums.”) we have, add a few classics that we were missing, and make a family favorites mix tape.

Just kidding, it’s a mix CD.

I also had this brilliant idea (now where have we heard that before?) to make copies of this Christmas compilation, craft up some snazzy covers, put them in a festive basket and hand them out to our holiday visitors.

Great idea, except we don’t typically have any visitors. Well, sure, my parents come over for dinner or a few friends spend the evening playing cards with us. But it’s not like we have that Hallmark movie type of house, where neighbors and friends just stop by for hot cocoa and caroling.

So, I junked that idea and burned a CD for us. Wanna know what’s on it? Here you go:

• Jingle Bells (Brian Setzer Orchestra)
• Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree (Brenda Lee)
• Deck the Halls (SHeDAISY)
• The Little Drummer Boy (Tonic Sol-Fa)
• Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (Harry Connick, Jr.)
• Christmas in Sarajevo (Trans-Siberian Orchestra)
• Gloria (Michael W. Smith)
• Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer (Elmo & Patsy)
• Linus & Lucy (Vince Guaraldi Trio)
• Sleigh Ride (Boston Pops Orchestra)
• Winter Wonderland (The Andrews Sisters)
• My Favorite Things (Julie Andrews)
• God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (Barenaked Ladies/Sarah McLachlan)
• Santa Baby (Madonna)
• Santa Claus is Watchin’ You (Ray Stevens)
• You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch (Thurl Ravenscroft)
• Christmas, Don’t Be Late (Alvin & the Chipmunks)
• Last Christmas (Wham!)
• Mary’s Boy Child/Oh My Lord (Boney M)
• O Holy Night (Martina McBride)
• Baby, It’s Cold Outside (Ella Fitzgerald/Louis Jordan)
• White Christmas (Bing Crosby)
• What Child is This (Jim Brickman)
• Carol of the Bells (John Williams)
• The Christmas Song (Nat King Cole)

And the songs that didn’t make the cut but certainly get an honorable mention:

• Do You Hear What I Hear (Whitney Houston)
• Mary, Did You Know (Wynonna Judd/Kenny Rogers)
• The Hanukkah Song (Adam Sandler) - Sorry, it's funny to me every time.
• Wonderful Christmastime (Paul McCartney)
• It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year (Johnny Mathis)
• Merry Christmas, Darling (The Carpenters)
• Silver Bells (Anne Murray)
• Same Old Lang Syne (Dan Fogelberg) - by far, the saddest Christmas song, but I like it.

This year’s new song that I am looooving (and downloaded and am determined to sing at next year’s church program and have been practicing, iTunes-karaoke-style, so loud one night that I woke up Photobaby) is You’re Here by Francesca Battistelli.

And the Christmas CD I wish we could have bought this year and is on my wish list: Ring the Bells by Travis Cottrell.

Several of you have mentioned your favorites over the past month. Anyone else want to chime in with your top tunes?

If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

I have been on a lot of interviews. A lot. This statement might lead you to believe I’m a job hopper, but that’s a topic for another day. Today, I will share with you a few of my most interesting interview experiences ever. Or, if you prefer to hear it in my Sandlot voice, EV-ERRR.

My best interview experience was for a job that lasted four months. After having a face-to-face interview with the hiring manager at an ad agency, I had a conference call with two team members who worked in other cities. I loved that call. Talking with Dan from Des Moines and Liz from St. Louis was fun; I really connected with these people! If only I’d gotten to work with them every day instead of the drones in my local office. And if only I’d had even a passing interest in agriculture, the agency’s bread and butter.

My worst interview experience was last year after being laid off. I’d applied and interviewed for a job at the headquarters of a service fraternity. I wasn’t what the manager was looking for, but he liked me. So he referred me to his colleague at another fraternity headquarters based here in town. After a few e-mails back and forth with this guy’s assistant, we finally scheduled an interview. For the day of a snow and ice storm. In the middle of a terrible sinus infection.

I went anyway – after all, I couldn’t afford to pass up any opportunity for a job. Somehow I made it to the office in time (difficult with the snow and ice), but the interview had a rocky start when I declined to shake the director’s hand for fear of passing along germs. He didn’t like that so much. (Believe me, he would’ve liked the infection even less, but try telling him that.) For the next 45 minutes, this man pored over my resume, grilling me about every move and decision I’d made since my junior year of high school.

“Why’d you go to Truman? What made you decide to go there?”
“How’d you decide on communications as a major?”
“Why do you want to work in non-profit? How did you even hear about that kind of career?”

And then the best part, he asked me about every single job, “Why did you leave this job? Why did you take this job? Do you regret it?”

And then! Then he asked me, regarding leaving one job, “Were they surprised you were leaving? Did they care? Did you even do a good job?”

Seriously. I mean, questions are great. And honestly, reflection on my crazy career path is healthy for me and understandable for a potential employer. But you should have heard him. He was MEAN about it. It’s like he was digging for DIRT, or just an excuse not to hire me.

I couldn’t even leave after he was finished wringing me out. I had to take three tests, proving that I could write a letter, design a newsletter (in a version of Quark I was not familiar with) and talk about my hero.

I have never been so relieved to be finished with an interview. And never so shocked (SHOCKED!) to receive a job offer. After all that, that man offered me a job. I was so thankful to have gotten another job offer, so I could say without hesitation, “Thanks, but no.”

I don’t want to leave you on a bad note, so I’ll tell you about another good interview. After writing about fertilizer and vaccines for two months, I realized I could not stay at the second ad agency, no matter how much I loved our PR department. Fortunately, a friend and former volunteer from the non-profit I worked for after college hooked me up with an interview at another charity. Sitting in that room, with the executive director and hiring manager, I felt so at home, at ease. Because for the first time in my career, I truly knew what I was talking about. Thanks to my time at a non-profit, combined with a couple years in advertising, I was so completely qualified for the position they needed to fill. And it was just so great to talk non-profit after being in the materialistic world of advertising. I loved that interview. And in so many ways, I loved that job.

Here’s a question for you: have you ever had an exit interview? Did it go well? Was it a disaster? Spill it!

‘Cause I’m a giver, I’m a grinner, I’m a lover, and I’m a sinner…

As today is my birthday, I hope you’ll indulge me as I ponder…well…myself.

I have learned many, many things in my 30 long years, but the most important is just exactly what Myers-Brigg Personality Type I am.

Okay, so this isn’t exactly the most important thing I’ve learned, but it sure beats the pants off anything I crammed into my brain during the semester from you know where, the one that involved Biology, Experimental Psychology AND Statistics! So, just go with me, okay? I mean, it IS my birthday.

Ahem.

Based on the results of two official Myers-Briggs tests in college, a few books and articles I’ve read on the subject and one completely unofficial test I just found online, I am an ENFJ (Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging).

ENFJs are known as the givers who have “tremendous charisma by which many are drawn into their nurturant tutelage and/or grand schemes.” Drawn? Like into a web? I don’t know about that, but you might recognize this “grand scheme” characteristic in both Amy and me, as we often have brilliant ideas. One site also notes that while ENFJs have a higher than usual ability to manipulate people, they almost always use that power for good and not evil.

"Almost always," she says with a glint in her eye.

On a slightly happier note, a different site points out that ENFJs are typically good at anything that captures their interest. However, that interest-capturing thing is key, because though they love planning things and get excited about future possibilities, ENFJs “may become easily bored and restless with the present.”

ENFJs love people and want to help people. In this same vein, they wear their hearts on their sleeves and may be more easily hurt than others. One description notes that, “ENFJs often take on more of the burdens of others than they can bear.”

Loyal, straightforward, honest, energetic and organized (or fussy, as one site says) are other traits this personality type usually possess. However, though they’re outgoing and comfortable with many kinds of people, they may feel alone even in a large group, because they tend to keep their true selves hidden.

Umm....GUILTY! I can definitely be fussy, and I have certainly felt alone in a crowd. More than once, honestly. And overly sensitive? Oh yeah. And wait, let’s not forget that despite my grand schemes, I get bored after all the planning. (I believe I’ve mentioned my lack of follow-through, right?)

At least I’ve got the people person thing going for me. Seriously, I love reading personality descriptions. Even the bad – or at least uncomfortable – parts. Because, let’s face it, if I’ve learned one true thing about myself in three decades, it’s really that I like to talk and read and talk some more about myself.

Thanks for indulging me.

But now, what’s YOUR personality type? Find out here. And if you’re an ENFJ, too, you’re in good company. No, I don’t mean (just) me! According to TypeLogic, famous ENFJs include none other than King David and Abraham Lincoln, not to mention Michael Jordan, Diane Sawyer, Peyton Manning and Lauren Graham. Oh yeah, and Ronald Reagan, Sean Connery, Andy Griffith and Oprah Winfrey.

You can also find out what personality type your BLOG says you are with Typealyzer, which analyzes blogs and decides what MB type the author has. I can’t vouch for its accuracy, however, because according to this site, I’m an ESFP. ESFPs are known as the performers who “live in the present moment and don’t like to plan ahead.” Umm, really? I don’t think so. According to this site’s definition, ESFPs also enjoy work that helps people (true) and tend to avoid conflict (also true). Basically, this analysis was half right.

So who are you? Who, who, who, who? (I really gotta know.) Take the tests and tell us your results!

Couldn’t I just take cookies this year?

“Oh, no! Another December birthday?” After all the right responses, this was Mark’s reaction last March when I told him I was pregnant. Fortunately, his math was wrong and Photobaby was due on Thanksgiving (and then had the good sense to be born even earlier, avoiding all major holidays).

Mark’s reaction is understandable, as his birthday is four days after Christmas, and mine is seven days before. Now, both our parents worked hard to ensure our birthdays were special and not just lumped into one umbrella December celebration. And my family had even more obstacles in that arena than his, because I wasn’t even the only person (in our family) born that month. Growing up, my granddad and a cousin both had December birthdays. These days, three of my cousin’s kids have December birthdays. So, all in all, it’s just a really busy month.

And it’s a cold month, too, in both sense of the word. I don’t know how many of my birthday parties were cancelled due to bad weather or bronchitis.

But the worst thing about being born in December is the candy cane.

In recent years, Christians have tried to commandeer the candy cane, saying it was invented as a Christian symbol and represents our rock solid foundation in God, Mary’s purity, Jesus Christ’s crucifixion, and even Jesus’ name.

Because what Jesus really wants for Christmas is a piece of candy shaped like the English letter J.

These theories have been proven incorrect by many sources, including Snopes, but I won’t lie. Even if all this were true, I would not like the candy cane.

See, when your birthday is in December – the busiest and most expensive month of all – your parents’ only reasonable choice for the treat you take to school on your big day is an 88-cent box of miniature candy canes. Not cupcakes, not snickerdoodles, not even a box of Christmas-themed Little Debbie snack cakes. Candy canes.

And for a child who doesn’t like peppermint and does like pretty much every other treat known to man and may or may not have a birthday party depending on the whims of Mother Nature and this year’s flu bug, well, a box of candy canes is just a big ol’ birthday slap in the face.

Now, I’m not saying that having a December birthday is all bad. I mean, how many people can say they came home on Christmas Day in a big, red stocking? At least to my parents, I really was the best Christmas gift ever. Second to Jesus, of course. But still – cool story, right?

I’m just saying – if you happen to know someone born in December, save your peppermint sticks of evil. Give them your leftover cookies from last weekend’s cookie exchange, regift that plastic Nativity scene from the office white elephant party, or even slap a tacky gift card in their hand.

Just don’t give them a box of candy canes.

[Confession: While I do believe gift cards are less than optimal ways to express your love and appreciation for a person, I will be giving at least two and possibly three of them this year. So you know.]

Concert Review: Reckless Kelly

On Saturday night, Smitty, Mark and I went to a concert. The opening act was strange - a bunch of old guys who didn't sound old. Until they talked. And then they sounded old and corny. But their music was okay. However, they played forever.

Then again, I was being an old lady - tired at 10pm!

The main act made up for it, though. It was a band called Reckless Kelly. They sing kind of alternative country rock - you can listen here and come up with your own genre label.

Reckless Kelly was good. So good I didn't mind staying out past my bedtime. Past Mark's bedtime. Past most people's bedtime, I think. I mean, people don't normally stay up until 1am, right?

They do? Huh.

Well, anyway, the band was great. Fun, upbeat, different. Good pick, Smitty.

[The picture above is not from Saturday's concert, unfortunately. I forgot my camera. This pic is from the Big & Rich concert Smitty, Mark and I went to a few years ago.]

What's the best concert you've ever gone to? What's the latest you stay up these days?

Looks like there's a cold front coming in...

I have found myself looking for a new job many times…and many times it has been in the winter. As a matter of fact, I have left four jobs in December. Well, technically, I left my last job in October when I delivered Photobaby, but I was job-hunting in December.

My point is that when I’m in winter job-searching mode, I should freelance as a meteorologist. Because if I have an interview, odds are the weather’s gonna be bad.

What about you? Tell me your craziest interview story, and I'll tell you mine.

The halls are as decked as they're gonna get.

For the past couple of years, I've been a real Grinch when it comes to decorating for Christmas. Well, I guess a "real Grinch" would take someone else's decorations down, while I just never bothered to put any up. But you get my point.

This year, I figured Photobaby deserved better. Never mind that we don't have many visitors these days, and we aren't hosting any of the family get-togethers this year. I should do this just for us, right?

Which I did. But I'll admit...I was also a little motivated by BooMama's Tour of Homes today. You can visit her site and see tons of homes and how people all over are decking their halls.

And right here on my site, you can see how my house Santa suited up for this year's Christmas.

Mark's mom made this felt snowman for us several years ago. The last time we put it out for Christmas, my cat Peanut went cuh-razy for it! She would grab its scarf with her teeth and drag it back to our bedroom to, well, I'm not sure what she planned to do with it. But she was determined. Thankfully, time has helped her move on. She hasn't touched it this year.

We don't have a fireplace. So we hang our stockings on the entertainment center. Unfortunately for Mark, a 42-inch flat screen won't fit in his stocking!

I had a hard time taking a good picture of my tree. When I let my flash go off, you couldn't see the pretty lights. When I turned the flash off, the picture was blurry. I came to two conclusions. First, I'd go with lights and blur. Second, I really need to take a photography class.

And finally, BooMama suggested we include our favorite Christmas recipe with our Tour of Homes posts. So, here's a picture of the deeelish cookies I took to a cookie exchange on Saturday. Here's how I made them: I went to HyVee, bought two packages of break and beak cookie dough, baked them and put them on my pretty red cookie plate from Hallmark. Yep, I'm a regular Martha Stewart.

How do you decorate for Christmas? Check out some real pretty homes here.

There's a blog conspiracy.

Do you read Stuff Christians Like? It's written by Jon Acuff, and it's about, well, stuff that Christians like. It's occasionally serious, consistently true, and almost always HIGHlarious. (I say "almost always" because it really is serious sometimes. But when he goes for funny, oh my, it is FUN-NY.)

Well, Jon's birthday is next Friday (December 19), and there's a blog conspiracy to help him celebrate in a most ridiculous way. Stacy from Louisville is asking all Jon's fans and readers to send him a birthday card. But not just any birthday card - preferably a ridiculous one. Like a re-gifted (re-carded?) Christmas card you got in the mail today. Or a flower and puppy card from that stationery your Grandma gave you for your birthday. Or a get well card you meant to send to your Aunt Linda. Whatever. Just send a card.

If you read Jon's blog (or think this is a sweet/funny/good/terrible idea), send him a card today. He'll love it. Perhaps he'll even write about it on his blog. And speaking of, feel free to put this on your blog, too. Stacy says so. Here's his address:

Jonathan Acuff
PO Box 4522
Alpharetta, GA 30023

Because I'm a giver.

If I’m doing the math correctly (and this is a big "if"), today is the first day of the twelve days of Christmas. In honor of this momentous occasion, I will not sing the song’s verses out of order. Although, I don’t really plan on singing them in order, either. Nope. Instead, I’m going to give you 12 webby, bloggy gifts.

Don’t get excited. I don’t mean the kind of extravagant giveaways that the real bloggers have. Just some links to a few fun sites you might not know about.

Because I’m like that. Unh-huh, I’m a giver.

1. You can call me Al, and yeah, I think I’ll call you Betty. Paul Simon and Chevy Chase star in my favorite music video of all time, found here for your viewing pleasure.
2. Looking for a way to organize your home? Or maybe just an amateur website with psychedelic colors and a cartoon spokesperson? Look no further than FlyLady.
3. Just how bad was that dessert at the Cheesecake Factory? You can find the dirt – and the number of points you consumed – at Dotti’s Weight Loss Zone. (Don’t be alarmed by all the purple and the ads. Ignore them both and scroll down to find tons of good info.)
4. Now for a cute site that also helps you with our upcoming New Year’s resolutions (well, at least that’s what I’m wishing for on January 1): Hungry Girl. Lots of recipes, healthy products and fun facts here.
5. Enough diet talk! Let’s get down to the important stuff. Like TV. Miss your favorite episode of The Office? Don’t worry – you can get the play-by-play at Television Without Pity. Sure, you can always watch the missed eps online. But does Hulu come with snarky commentary? I think not.
6. We’ve established that several of you (See how that makes it sound like I have so many readers? Ha!) are word nerds like myself. So I feel safe telling this group that I’m also a big fan of fonts. Anyone else? Take this quiz and see just how big a fan you really are.
7. If you’re looking for information about a certain movie, don’t just trust my reviews. Check out Christianity Today’s movie review section for a Christian perspective on today’s most popular films.
8. Need a chuckle? This site posts pics of crummy church signs. Pretty funny stuff, I say.
9. My fellow fans of a capella, as well as those of you strangely obsessed with fantasy movies, will get a kick out of this. Those of you – Mel, I’m talking to you – who are one but not both may or may not get said kick. [Thanks to Mandy Conforth for posting this on her blog.]
10. What would the 12 Days of Christmas be without a couple lookalikes? First, there’s Jewel and Yvonne Strahovski (from the TV show, Chuck). Next, I think Sela Ward and Melora Hardin (from The Office) look not necessarily like twins, but definitely like sisters.
11. A big ad agency came up with a list of 10 new words to describe some of the crazy behaviors in today’s tech-obsessed society.
12. And last but not least (or perhaps), for all my readers in the market for a man or a laugh (or both), your search is over. I give you Real Men of Jesus.

So, tell me, other than this list of wonder, what's the best Christmas gift you've ever gotten?