Day is done. Gone the sun.

I’m going to a visitation tonight. My cousin’s wife’s mom died. When I told Chelley about that, she asked if the relation was as distant as it sounded. It’s not. I’m really close to my cousins.

Over the weekend, I read a blog post that made me cry. I found out that my friend Sara’s dad had died unexpectedly. Because of her health, she can’t leave her home to go to his funeral. As a matter of fact, thinking about it now is making me cry, too.

Funerals are always hard. I know; I’ve been to a lot.

The first funeral I remember was for my godmother, Grandma King. Someone sang “How Great Thou Art,” and I cried. I was embarrassed, so I blamed it on that person’s singing. But I was actually just sad.

I’ve been to funerals for my grandpa, my granddad, my aunt, my friend Carrie, Mark’s grandpa, my granny, Mark’s mom, my cousin’s grandpa, Mark’s grandma, my uncle – and I’m pretty sure I’m forgetting some.

I’m feeling sad today, too, but not for myself. I’m sad for the people I care about who’ve lost someone they care about . . . and I’m sad that I can’t do anything to ease their sadness.

Have you been to many funerals? How do you help friends and family who are grieving?

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Why do I wait? Or do I mean "weight"?

Last week, for about half a day, I thought I might be pregnant. (I’m not.) As my goal for losing weight this year is just as much about being healthy and prepared for another possible pregnancy (in the future, people, so don’t get any crazy ideas) as it is about lookin’ good, well, this possibility kind of freaked me out.

I know that the complications during my last pregnancy weren’t my fault and might have happened even if I’d been the picture of good health. But I also know my chances of a repeat performance are higher if I don’t lose weight.

So when I had this little episode last week, one of my first thoughts was, “Oh no! Now I won’t be able to lose weight!”

And then I thought, “Well, that’s okay. I’ll just start immediately walking every day and eating lots of fruits and vegetables. And I’ll be so healthy! Yay! I can do this! I will do this!”

And then…then, I thought, “Hunh. Wonder why I couldn’t be this motivated before? Back when it wasn’t too late?”

I mean, really. Why is it that when the time is perfect for doing the right thing, I don’t do it. It’s only when I’m face to face with the consequences of my laziness, my lack of motivation, my sin – it’s then that I’m finally able to find within me the commitment to doing that right thing.

But sometimes it’s too late. Why don’t I act before it’s too late?

Does anyone else have this problem?

I know for me it doesn’t just apply to healthy eating and exercise. This happens with finances and how I talk to my husband and spending enough time with my family and finishing work projects and sharing my faith with a friend and, well, the list is quite long, now that I think about it.

What about you? What do you find yourself waiting – possibly too long – to do? And if you have mastered this habit, how do you motivate yourself before it’s too late?

When you wish upon a star...

What happens when you wish for something to go back the way it was? You wish it with all your might, even though you know it can never be.

And then, the strangest thing happens...your wish comes true.

But it's not as great as you thought it would be. Not that it's bad, but it's just not...well, it's just not the same.

Have you ever felt that way?

There’s got to be a morning after

Photo by uncommonmuse.

When something bad happens, sleep becomes both an enemy and an escape. Climbing into bed after an emotionally draining day, I know that sleep will heal my body and my heart.

But often, I don’t want to go to sleep. Not yet. Not really. Because if I go to sleep, then I will have to wake up. And if I wake up, the world will be there. Waiting to pounce. Waiting to shout, “Nope! That wasn’t just a bad dream. It’s reality. It’s your life. This is happening.”

This is how I felt last night. Tired and knowing that the morning and the work week were growing ever closer. But unwilling to succumb to the escape and the healing, because what had happened yesterday was still going to be there when I woke up.

So I gave into my emotions, sobbing on Mark’s shoulder, getting up time and again to blow my nose, whimpering about the unfairness of it all. Knowing at the same time that I have no right to complain, because bad things happen to good people every single day. Knowing that, like my mother’s voice in my head still tells me, “Life isn’t fair, baby.”

Eventually, I had to go to sleep. And this morning, just like I knew it would, the world was waiting. But something had happened. Those few hours of sleep did refresh my soul, even if my body was regretting my childish refusal to go to bed on time.

And I remembered that God is still God. Who cares if the same heart-wrenching world is still here this morning? God is still here! And He’s still sovereign and merciful and good.

Last week, I started writing a post about going through the motions and lukewarm belief and standing outside the fire and how much I want to FEEL again.

The timing is interesting, because today I am most certainly feeling.

We found out yesterday that a good friend of ours has cancer. And I am feeling. Oh, how I’m feeling. But even though I went to bed afraid and angry last night, this morning is different. I’m still feeling. But I’m also believing. I’m believing God.

This post is linked to Blog Nosh Magazine’s first special-event carnival, which is sharing stories of hope this holiday season in support of the Tide Loads of Hope program, a mobile laundromat offering laundry services to families affected by disasters. Click on over for more stories of hope.

Oh yeah, and an update on our friend? After several weeks of treatment, including an extended stay in Houston, he is free and clear. In other words, he is healthy and God is good!

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Do Bad Things Really Come in Threes?

For a long time now, I've believed the superstition that things come in threes. Mainly bad things. Sometimes deaths, specifically, but often just bad things in general. I know it's silly, and the thing is, I'm not a superstitious person. After all, I believe that God is in control, and He has a plan - and those beliefs don't really leave a lot of room for superstitions and things such as fate and luck. But it really does seem as if three bad things occur close together.

This happened to me yesterday, as a matter of fact. In one afternoon, I got three e-mails with bad news. First, I learned that a former co-worker is being deployed to Iraq. Second, I found out that a friend has called off her August wedding. And third, I got an e-mail from a pregnant friend who is having complications and had to go to the hospital. All this within just a few hours!

Those three pieces of news coming so close together really made me think about this belief. Where does it come from anyway? Most superstitions or common phrases have an interesting origin or background, so I decided to find out about this one. Who originally decided that bad things come in threes?

After about an hour of searching, I'm sorry to say, I still don't know. Wikipedia let me down. Google couldn't help. Even About.com couldn't tell me much about it. I did find a long (looooooong!) list of different uses for and definitions of three and a very (verrrrrrry) vague explanation of the superstition.

What I did find was an article published in 1984 saying that no, kids, bad things don't come in threes. It's just your perspective. (Side note: This article contains a lot of the same positive thinking philosophies that have been written about in certain Oprah-promoted books. But this author makes a point to note that "[e]xpectations don't always turn into reality.")

Anyway, it's true. Looking for threes makes it a lot more likely that we'll notice thing in groups of three. I know that. So, while I didn't find out where this belief started, I did get a good reminder from this article: "Things happen one at a time. Whether they are seen as the worst or the best is determined by you alone."

This little research project has confirmed that there's really no point believing - or expecting - bad things come in threes. But maybe it wouldn't hurt to think about how many times good things come three at a time.

Because of course, there are some real and good significances to the number three. The trinity, for one. A solid marriage, for another. And don't forget some other "important" threes: nursery rhymes, trilogies, famous characters and silly movies.

List of the Week, v2

What do you want to be when you grow up?

(Who am I - Brenda Starr or Dale Messick ?)

Today I'm neither girl reporter nor famous artist. But I've wanted to be both. See, I've wanted to be a lot of things. I actually spend a lot of time trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be, supposed to do. I think there's something BIG out there with my name on it. But I don't know what it is. Or how to figure it out. Someday (when I grow up), I might figure out which one of my ideas is right for me. Someday I'll figure out what exactly God made me to do. Until then, I'll just keep adding to my list...

• Teacher (What teacher's pet doesn't want to be a teacher? Of course, I'm still a bit jealous of those summers off!)
• Lawyer (I have to admit, this one still comes and goes occasionally.)
• Cartoon artist (I went through this phase in middle school. I thought I was the next big cartoonist. It may have had something to do with the TV show, "Caroline in the City.")
• Animal rights activist (My seventh grade civics teacher showed us a video about cock fighting. I was appalled and briefly determined to do something about it.)
• Novelist
• Journalist (I went to college with this idea. I was very close to going to a large university specifically for this major, but ended up going to a smaller school. Good thing, since I changed my major after first semester when I learned that being a reporter isn't exactly like being Brenda Starr or Lois Lane!)
• Rock star (Right, like you don't have this dream!)
• Music teacher
• Photographer
• Psychologist (This was my next bright idea in college - spent a couple semesters thinking I would be a counselor. Not a bad idea, but it wasn't the right one, either.)
• Small business owner/entrepreneur
• Event planner (This is where my career began. It was a good place, but not the ultimate place for me.)
• Fundraiser
• College professor (Turns out it only took two hostile golfers in my Speech 101 class to change my mind about changing young lives this way.)
• PR specialist (Okay, so nobody really dreams of being a "specialist," but it's my title for now.)
• Book editor
• Book publicist
• Party planner, photographer and scrapbooker (surely there's a market for this?!)
• Writer (Some days, I really think I have a book in me. What kind of book, you ask? I don't know yet...but I'll let you know when I do!)

I've thought for more than a year (way more than that if you go back to when I originally thought of it in college) that I should be a Christian book editor. It's possible that this is "it," what I've been looking for. What I'm made to do. For the record, I don't know how to get into this career, since I'm fairly entrenched in another career path. But I do know that if this is God's plan for me, we'll figure it out somehow!

What kind of job dreams do YOU have? What will YOU be when you grow up?