No, I don’t mean that I’m starring in movies where babies talk and it’s somehow cute not creepy (at least in the first one). I mean that I keep saying – loudly and in public – that I’m going to lose weight, only to, well, not lose weight.
From the grand goals and empty promises to the ridiculing myself (For instance, “Am I a good cook? Uh, yeah, obviously. I’m a great cook!” That may or may not have been heard on The Marriage Ref. Probably not. Because of course I wouldn’t watch that kind of dreck on TV. Nope.), I’m following Kirstie’s path.
[Please note that I refrained from saying that I’m following Kirstie’s alley. Because I could have. But I didn’t.]
I don’t mean the path that took her from one of the longest-running and most-loved TV shows to blockbuster (I think, but I’m not looking it up) movies to outlandish reality shows.
Nope. Just the one where I think admitting my weight issues will make me face them and deal with them, only to flop on my face.
*sigh*
I know. You don’t need to tell me to be nice to myself, to give myself a break, to cut myself some slack, not to be so hard on myself. As you may have guessed, I’ve heard it before. And I know it.
But honestly? Going easy on myself – in this department – is what’s gotten me to this place in the first place. And it’s what has kept me here, too.
I keep wondering – WHAT is going to be the last straw? WHAT will make a difference? Keeping my issues to myself didn’t do it, but neither has confessing them publicly. Beating myself up hasn’t worked, but giving myself a break hasn’t worked, either. So what will?
One time when Smitty and I were in high school, we were walking at the park and passed an older lady. [She was probably my exact age now, that’s just how OLDER she was.] I don’t remember what she was wearing, but whatever her attire was, it showed some unfortunate rolls. And Smitty and I swore to each other that no matter what, we would NEVER have back fat.
Um, yeah.
I also swore I’d never shop at Lane Bryant or wear a size that starts with a 2 or be as big as her (whoever “her” was that day). And yet . . .
I’m not writing all this to get sympathy or pats on the back or anything like that.
(Side note: Annalyn has really gotten into “patting” lately, like patting someone’s arm or asking me to pat her back when I put her to bed. Unfortunately, we’re also dealing with some hitting issues, and I’ve discovered that it can be difficult to draw the line between nice, yet firm, patting and outright hitting. Anyway. Back to my rant.)
Nope, I just wanted to be honest with you all and let you know how I’m feeling. AND to ask those of you who ARE losing weight during our Losing It challenge: What has made the difference to you?
Please don’t tell me, “You just have to be ready. You’ll do it when you’re ready.” Because a) That is not encouraging. (Hello? Ready! I’m ready now!) and b) I truly want to know what’s made the difference in your lives.
And as for the next week of Losing It, I’m going to try and implement some of the goals I made last week: eating more fruits and vegetables, drinking even more water, and getting my exercise ball out of the garage and into the house!
P.S. This morning's Losing It post is the one where you can link up and I remind you of the rules.
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